I write about my life. Saucily.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

When I feel down, I want you above me.

That song has been stuck in my head all day. All day!

Well, I guess for two days because it's TOMORROW now and I still haven't got to sleep. And I won't for awhile, probably, as my stomach is still riotous and threatening the guillotine if I try to go to sleep.

This could possibly have very serious repercussions for me. I cannot go 24 hours or more without sleep. Or with an hour and a half's worth of sleep. Yet I'm not tired. I'm probably dead or something, I just can't tell yet so I'm still drinking my water and playing on the internets.

My afterlife is kind of lame.

...Still, it's not a fiery pit, so who's complaining?

Maybe I ought to eat something. Like some crackers and some Sprite or something. That helped the last time my stomach felt all wibbly. Though that might just be adding fuel to the fire in this case; you never know.

Anyway, I don't have any Sprite.

Though I guess I could use one of those dollars to buy me some.

I might do if this persists.

...Longer than it already has.

Which is pretty long.


Thursday, September 22, 2005

And I can't help myself, I don't want anyone else.

I hate studying. Not just the mindless monotony of it all, though that figures into a healthy portion of it, but the uncertainty of it.

Yes, I've made over 150 flashcards full of information. Yes, I've spent hours reading the textbooks. But going over the flashcards took me only 30 minutes. Should it have taken longer? What if I'm overestimating my knowledge of these subjects?

In a way, I wish I didn't care so much. I know caring this much will be what separates me from last year's Bs and this year's As (and I will have them, oh, I will), but it adds so much stress to my life that wasn't there before. Last year tests were stressful, of course, but not to this level. I don't think I even stressed this much over physics tests, and I was never too good at physics. I've taken 3 years' worth of biology and another course in psychology... why am I so worried?

I guess it's just the GPA thing. I need to boost my GPA this year, without a doubt. If I make all As this semester (which I'm trying very, very hard to do) I'll have brought it up to a 3.5, and if I make all As for the year it'll be a 3.75. I want so badly to have that 3.75. I want to be that smartest girl again. Sure, in high school it was fun being the intelligent slacker - everybody knew I had the capabilities, I just never applied myself. But this is university level, and I want to make the best grades so I can get the best jobs.

When did I become my dad?

Sunday, September 18, 2005

She's mighty, mighty - just lettin' it all hang out.

I seriously must have ADD. I've only been studying for about half an hour and I'm already going crazy. I take a break every 5 minutes to mess around online - checking email that I know doesn't have anything new, browsing music weblogs, and (of course) writing in my own blogs. About nothing. Nothing at all.

At least I'm not giving myself time to angst about my iPod. Though if I start thinking about it I'll just get all upset again and I'd just rather not at the moment. You understand.

The only good thing is that iTunes doesn't appear to be affected by whatever's taken out my iPod. Which means all my music is still there, if all lonely without its little iPod friendling. I apologize, my iTunes. It was nothing I did, I swear!

Well, when the iPod comes back from its little trip to Apple, I want to have loads of new music to put on it. A welcome home present, if you will. These music weblogs help me out with that - lots of really varied types of music. Which is, of course, always a good thing. Variety is the spice of life.

Shutting up and getting back to biology now.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Leaving me breathless.

It's strange sometimes, living in a building with 139 other people. There are people all around me, but somehow I can still feel very alone. Not lonely necessarily, as it's 3:30 in the morning; just... weird. Like I'm the only one here, the only one awake. Though I'm sure if I went out into the hall I could hear other people moving around in their rooms.

Or would I? Maybe I am the only one awake.

This is how I feel when I go home. After being surrounded by people constantly, being in a house with only 3 others is quite different. They all go to bed hours before I'm even sleepy, and I stay awake, all alone. And it really feels like you're all alone, in a way. Sometimes even more than when you really are.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do.

It makes me sad that Eryn doesn't think I have the "general aura" for a lip piercing. Which basically means that I am not hardcore or awesome enough to get a facial piercing. I'm not stupid, I know that's what she means. She probably also thinks that I don't have the "general aura" for dyed hair or anything else that isn't prep-school chic.

Okay, I exaggerate. But still. It sort of depresses me that she doesn't think I'm cool enough to get a lip piercing.

But then, she's probably never thought I'm cool in any way.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Bow down before the one you serve.

Before I say anything else - please stop spam commenting on my blog here. If it's a real comment of some kind, go to town on it. But I'm getting really annoyed with these "You are a great blogger! Please come look at my blog for recipes and tips on curling your toe hair!" comments. I realize that you're all probably spambots, but on the offchance that you're an actual human being operating a computer - shut the hell up. Please. And go die in a fire.

Moving right along.

I'm getting the slightest bit irritated with having to share my computer with Jessica. Not because of her, mind you. But... it's my computer. It has all my personal stuff on it. I don't let my own family use it, that's how selfish I am with it. And it was fine for a week, even two. But now it's been three weeks and her internet still isn't working. Now she's asking to get on while I'm on. And it's really starting to bother me.

I don't know. It's my stuff. I'm really bad about sharing my stuff. Especially my favorite stuff, and I think my computer can definitely qualify as my favorite stuff. I don't like other people using it, and having to share it for several weeks without any indication that her internet will be fixed? Not cool. Not. Cool.

I realize she's probably just as frustrated by the situation as I am, but still. At least it's not her stuff. It's just... yeah. Really getting on my nerves. A lot.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard

Have restyled the look of my blog yet again, in the interest of simplicity. If simplicity has any interest, which I sort of doubt. I'm not entirely sure that phrase makes sense.

Regardless. I am back to what is essentially a default layout, which pains me somewhat, but I much prefer it to the kind of insanely done-up layouts on blogskins or what have you. Anyway, it's not as if anyone reads this besides me. And if you are reading this (and you aren't me) - why?* It's not particularly interesting. Go knit or something.

Seriously, go knit. It's preferable to listening to me whine about my lack of relationships, something I try to never do on any of my friend-accessed blogs, as it is irritating when other people do it and I've no patience for that. Plus, it's just wallowing. Wallowing in something as ridiculous as being single.

And yet, I wallow. Secretly. In my pit of shame.

I think the reason it's become to obvious to me that I'm single is because the people closest to me aren't. My sister has a boyfriend. Eryn has a boyfriend. Jessica has a boyfriend. Everybody's managed to fanangle a mutual love interest but me. And I really don't know what the problem is. I'm friendly enough. I'm cute enough. I'm funny enough. I'm even low-maintenance! I am very dateable. And yet, no dates.

But, you know. I soldier on. Eventually someone will come along, as I have been telling myself since I was 11. Someone fabulous and exactly perfect for me will come along and we will experience beautiful love and magic pink sparkles and slow-motion reunion hugs. It's only a matter of time! Really!

*Though I do appreciate the lengthy comment from Alana left on my previous post - it was very comforting to me. Sometimes it's important to know that you're not alone.